June 28th, 2011

Well, it has been a LONG time since I posted on here. I feel it's time to do so since this became my personal journal and a place where I can vent.

Shit has been going on for the past month now, I have found 3 #'s on Matt's phone who ended up being women who thought they were talking to a single guy named Tony. Does that surprise me?? NO. I ended up talking to each one of them and letting them know that he is married and I am supposedly his fiance...I'm sorry this is just like cheating to me, and some of the shit in the text's like, I have room in my car for 2 & I wouldn't get much relaxing done if you were there, One was supposed to meet him on a Friday night, & I asked if he had a meeting, he said yea-but Rich is going to it. I left her know that it was all a scam and don't trust him. From all three of them they stated: " This is a big turn off for me and I had no idea he was involved".

I feel used, cheated on, and not appreciated at all. Why would one go to the extent of putting one's self in that situation or predicament if they were not happy and intended to cheat or hurt the significant other? OH and blame it on someone else or something that happened in the past 2 years ago (maybe longer) but made a straight commitment to NOT LIE or HURT each other again, but now it just gets thrown into my face.

I left him know how I felt that I can't get over how I feel in my head, gut, and heart. I am crushed. It actually makes me sick and all I want to do is cry, I feel as if my feelings for him are not the same, I am breaking away, and that I don't deserve any of this. I have waited for him for 4 years to commit to me and obviously that is not happening. Nothing is ever done to resolve problems, things that he says are never followed through, NO appologies..I wasn't brought up like that....

Hopefully, I don't wait so long to post again.

Hi there,
Well today 1/27/2011 is Matt and I's 4 year anniversary! Yesterday was his 44th birthday~ yea, 44. lol
I am glad we are still together because it has been quite rough lately. I caught him in some lies, and of course it wasn't just one but multiple and with the casino yet to boot. I will not deal with it anymore, I can't.. A committment is a committment to me and I am not getting stabbed anymore.
Then, with the anniversary, this is where things matter. A girl want to feel special and wanted I guess but no card, nothing..Yes I got him one.

It's Gone!

Well Well Well,
I should've followed my gut instinct from the moment I knew. Matt has LIED and went behind my back again to the casino. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm done. I have tried to have a trusting honest relationship with this man who preaches about lying and he's the one who is a liar.
Of course, he threw it in my face how he was hurt and how I've done it to him, but I threw it right back that it was the past and we made a commitment to be honest with each other and not to lie, I've held my promise for over a year, but now we have to re-live it all.
I'm crushed, hurt, disappointed ALL of it. I can accually say I kind of hate him at this point. If he wants that life he can have it but I'm not going to be involved. I have changed my life for this guy in numorous ways and to be hurt over and over, it's not worth it to me.
I tried.
I give up.
He's a liar, a sneak, and totally dishonest. That's not love to me.