June 28th, 2011
Well, it has been a LONG time since I posted on here. I feel it's time to do so since this became my personal journal and a place where I can vent.
Shit has been going on for the past month now, I have found 3 #'s on Matt's phone who ended up being women who thought they were talking to a single guy named Tony. Does that surprise me?? NO. I ended up talking to each one of them and letting them know that he is married and I am supposedly his fiance...I'm sorry this is just like cheating to me, and some of the shit in the text's like, I have room in my car for 2 & I wouldn't get much relaxing done if you were there, One was supposed to meet him on a Friday night, & I asked if he had a meeting, he said yea-but Rich is going to it. I left her know that it was all a scam and don't trust him. From all three of them they stated: " This is a big turn off for me and I had no idea he was involved".
I feel used, cheated on, and not appreciated at all. Why would one go to the extent of putting one's self in that situation or predicament if they were not happy and intended to cheat or hurt the significant other? OH and blame it on someone else or something that happened in the past 2 years ago (maybe longer) but made a straight commitment to NOT LIE or HURT each other again, but now it just gets thrown into my face.
I left him know how I felt that I can't get over how I feel in my head, gut, and heart. I am crushed. It actually makes me sick and all I want to do is cry, I feel as if my feelings for him are not the same, I am breaking away, and that I don't deserve any of this. I have waited for him for 4 years to commit to me and obviously that is not happening. Nothing is ever done to resolve problems, things that he says are never followed through, NO appologies..I wasn't brought up like that....
Hopefully, I don't wait so long to post again.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Hi there,
Well today 1/27/2011 is Matt and I's 4 year anniversary! Yesterday was his 44th birthday~ yea, 44. lol
I am glad we are still together because it has been quite rough lately. I caught him in some lies, and of course it wasn't just one but multiple and with the casino yet to boot. I will not deal with it anymore, I can't.. A committment is a committment to me and I am not getting stabbed anymore.
Then, with the anniversary, this is where things matter. A girl want to feel special and wanted I guess but no card, nothing..Yes I got him one.
Well today 1/27/2011 is Matt and I's 4 year anniversary! Yesterday was his 44th birthday~ yea, 44. lol
I am glad we are still together because it has been quite rough lately. I caught him in some lies, and of course it wasn't just one but multiple and with the casino yet to boot. I will not deal with it anymore, I can't.. A committment is a committment to me and I am not getting stabbed anymore.
Then, with the anniversary, this is where things matter. A girl want to feel special and wanted I guess but no card, nothing..Yes I got him one.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
It's Gone!
Well Well Well,
I should've followed my gut instinct from the moment I knew. Matt has LIED and went behind my back again to the casino. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm done. I have tried to have a trusting honest relationship with this man who preaches about lying and he's the one who is a liar.
Of course, he threw it in my face how he was hurt and how I've done it to him, but I threw it right back that it was the past and we made a commitment to be honest with each other and not to lie, I've held my promise for over a year, but now we have to re-live it all.
I'm crushed, hurt, disappointed ALL of it. I can accually say I kind of hate him at this point. If he wants that life he can have it but I'm not going to be involved. I have changed my life for this guy in numorous ways and to be hurt over and over, it's not worth it to me.
I tried.
I give up.
He's a liar, a sneak, and totally dishonest. That's not love to me.
I should've followed my gut instinct from the moment I knew. Matt has LIED and went behind my back again to the casino. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm done. I have tried to have a trusting honest relationship with this man who preaches about lying and he's the one who is a liar.
Of course, he threw it in my face how he was hurt and how I've done it to him, but I threw it right back that it was the past and we made a commitment to be honest with each other and not to lie, I've held my promise for over a year, but now we have to re-live it all.
I'm crushed, hurt, disappointed ALL of it. I can accually say I kind of hate him at this point. If he wants that life he can have it but I'm not going to be involved. I have changed my life for this guy in numorous ways and to be hurt over and over, it's not worth it to me.
I tried.
I give up.
He's a liar, a sneak, and totally dishonest. That's not love to me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Hello,
Well what can I say, For the first time I finally got my hubby to agree to get a real diamond. Now this isn't any diamond...it's exactly what I wanted. With this relationship it just seems like everything has to be different, so it's a black diamond w/ baggets...beautiful.
Now, my only fear is when I got to order it last night I got some cold feet, I couldn't order it before I talked to him if this is really what he wanted as well as Me! It's not made from another ring, it has no good or bad memories behind it and this is one that will be the "official" engagement ring to build our own memories on and cherish each moment. Here was the letter I wrote him:
I didn't order my ring yet because...
I needed to talk to you but didn't get the time to do that. I wanted to know if this is what you wanted as well as me..I started crying because I don't know if you do..This will be the "official" engagement ring to me and you just didn't seem that enthused about it as me so I didn't know how to take it. Are you ready?
I am overwhelmed and excited at the same time because I did finally find something that resembles something of our love and something that I want from you that is a token and something that I will keep close to my heart at all times.
I may have touch of cold feet at the moment but I waited for so long to find what I want. It's not from a previous marriage, I didn't force you into having one designed, there's no good or bad memories behind it; it's fresh new and one that we can build our own memories on and cherish for as long as we stay by each other's side. Which is hopefully forever?
I do love you with all of my heart and soul; nothing is standing in my way, I have grown to love, respect, cherish and adore you with every step and beat of my heart.
I had some time to sit here and and express what I needed to, I hope you don't mind, I just knew it would come out better here than talking to you, it's still how i feel and what I needed to say.
I love you.
Me..
Well, I didn't end up letting him read it, I talked to him in person. Now the difficulty with the bank card and Zales, there was information that was screwed up so it took us about 12 hours to get the thing ordered! I was starting to give up and think this is just not meant to be!
Then this is the kicker, I was locked out of my verizon acct, because I changed the password from him previously going in and changing stuff on my acct because of Toni, and I was p.o'd and hurt because it racked up my bill. Well, when I finally figured it out, he had a fit because I wouldn't give him the password and right away I was hiding something, to the point he was going to do the hacker check up to my phone! What could I possibly be hiding? Were together everyday, he knows what comes in and goes out of my phone! Who the hell would I be interested in around here or anywhere for that matter, because I don't go anywhere or do anything without him. I love him to no end and this has really bummed me out! How could he think something like that? The best I guess I can give my self is life goes on and somethings were meant to be, but I don't need the heartache anymore.
This is it for now, come back later~
Well what can I say, For the first time I finally got my hubby to agree to get a real diamond. Now this isn't any diamond...it's exactly what I wanted. With this relationship it just seems like everything has to be different, so it's a black diamond w/ baggets...beautiful.
Now, my only fear is when I got to order it last night I got some cold feet, I couldn't order it before I talked to him if this is really what he wanted as well as Me! It's not made from another ring, it has no good or bad memories behind it and this is one that will be the "official" engagement ring to build our own memories on and cherish each moment. Here was the letter I wrote him:
I didn't order my ring yet because...
I needed to talk to you but didn't get the time to do that. I wanted to know if this is what you wanted as well as me..I started crying because I don't know if you do..This will be the "official" engagement ring to me and you just didn't seem that enthused about it as me so I didn't know how to take it. Are you ready?
I am overwhelmed and excited at the same time because I did finally find something that resembles something of our love and something that I want from you that is a token and something that I will keep close to my heart at all times.
I may have touch of cold feet at the moment but I waited for so long to find what I want. It's not from a previous marriage, I didn't force you into having one designed, there's no good or bad memories behind it; it's fresh new and one that we can build our own memories on and cherish for as long as we stay by each other's side. Which is hopefully forever?
I do love you with all of my heart and soul; nothing is standing in my way, I have grown to love, respect, cherish and adore you with every step and beat of my heart.
I had some time to sit here and and express what I needed to, I hope you don't mind, I just knew it would come out better here than talking to you, it's still how i feel and what I needed to say.
I love you.
Me..
Well, I didn't end up letting him read it, I talked to him in person. Now the difficulty with the bank card and Zales, there was information that was screwed up so it took us about 12 hours to get the thing ordered! I was starting to give up and think this is just not meant to be!
Then this is the kicker, I was locked out of my verizon acct, because I changed the password from him previously going in and changing stuff on my acct because of Toni, and I was p.o'd and hurt because it racked up my bill. Well, when I finally figured it out, he had a fit because I wouldn't give him the password and right away I was hiding something, to the point he was going to do the hacker check up to my phone! What could I possibly be hiding? Were together everyday, he knows what comes in and goes out of my phone! Who the hell would I be interested in around here or anywhere for that matter, because I don't go anywhere or do anything without him. I love him to no end and this has really bummed me out! How could he think something like that? The best I guess I can give my self is life goes on and somethings were meant to be, but I don't need the heartache anymore.
This is it for now, come back later~
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Unit 10 Post
Well Hello everybody!
We did it! How does everybody feel now that we've finished the paper? My advice to anyone doing a paper is to make sure you like the topic you are writing and researching on. That makes the process a lot easier. 2nd, make sure you have lots of research on the topic. If you pay attention and participate in seminars and the discussion board the professor is soooo helpful and peer reviews are a plus.
In the last 10 weeks I learned in depth about citing, although I don't quite understand the full citations...yet! One girl in my A & P 2 class was helping me a little bit with some of them. I'm sure I will get the hang of it sooner or later. I also liked the paramedic method with editing and revision it made the paper more clear.
Dr. M, your right I didn't think this would be fun, BUT you know what? It was one of my favorite classes! I don't really care to write all that much, but you made this fun and interesting. I learned a lot! You made that happen, you are one of the nicest professor's I've had. So laid back, helpful, willing to help anyone, and participate's with email and on the DB. So, a BIG THANK YOU to YOU! I will miss you.
This weekend I am looking forward to, my fiance and I go Salmon fishing in Pulaski, NY. We can only do this from Sept-end of Oct. that's when the fish run and spawn. It's my favorite time of year! I actually think we are going by ourselves which is nice because we need this right now for some bonding and alone time. I will let you know if I catch 1 or any, it's pretty hard with the currents, lines break and stuff, but when I do get one the WHOLE river knows!! I get so excited. It's an adrenaline rush!!
Finally, Best of luck to all my classmates. I enjoyed everybody! I am going to keep up with my blog....I enjoy it. Take care.
Dawn
Well Hello everybody!
We did it! How does everybody feel now that we've finished the paper? My advice to anyone doing a paper is to make sure you like the topic you are writing and researching on. That makes the process a lot easier. 2nd, make sure you have lots of research on the topic. If you pay attention and participate in seminars and the discussion board the professor is soooo helpful and peer reviews are a plus.
In the last 10 weeks I learned in depth about citing, although I don't quite understand the full citations...yet! One girl in my A & P 2 class was helping me a little bit with some of them. I'm sure I will get the hang of it sooner or later. I also liked the paramedic method with editing and revision it made the paper more clear.
Dr. M, your right I didn't think this would be fun, BUT you know what? It was one of my favorite classes! I don't really care to write all that much, but you made this fun and interesting. I learned a lot! You made that happen, you are one of the nicest professor's I've had. So laid back, helpful, willing to help anyone, and participate's with email and on the DB. So, a BIG THANK YOU to YOU! I will miss you.
This weekend I am looking forward to, my fiance and I go Salmon fishing in Pulaski, NY. We can only do this from Sept-end of Oct. that's when the fish run and spawn. It's my favorite time of year! I actually think we are going by ourselves which is nice because we need this right now for some bonding and alone time. I will let you know if I catch 1 or any, it's pretty hard with the currents, lines break and stuff, but when I do get one the WHOLE river knows!! I get so excited. It's an adrenaline rush!!
Finally, Best of luck to all my classmates. I enjoyed everybody! I am going to keep up with my blog....I enjoy it. Take care.
Dawn
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Unit 9 Blog
Hi Everybody,
Well, we are coming to an end! Quickly! I learned a lot in this class with the writing process. The paramedic method and outlining are the best for me. Although, I do feel a little nervous. I have two papers that are due today, this class is done, not turned in yet but done. My other class, I only have 2 pages written up and it needs to be 7! Nothing like waiting till the last minute. I will get in done though, it'll just be a lot of time!
How was everybody's holiday? Mine was ok, visited family. My dad made me a pinapple upside down cake and it was sooooo good. Goodness, I love desert.
I'm not too sure if there is any topic that I would do more research on at this point. I start 3 classes in 2 weeks so if I research anything it'll be for the next classes and what that topic will be, I have no idea. I was grocery shopping at a local market and they had a pamphlet on Raw Milk. I picked it up because ever since someone in the class mentioned it I found it interesting. I never heard of it. So, I got the pamphlet, I didn't get to read it yet, but I want to.
Well, good luck to all of you! Take care.
Enjoy!
Dawn
Hi Everybody,
Well, we are coming to an end! Quickly! I learned a lot in this class with the writing process. The paramedic method and outlining are the best for me. Although, I do feel a little nervous. I have two papers that are due today, this class is done, not turned in yet but done. My other class, I only have 2 pages written up and it needs to be 7! Nothing like waiting till the last minute. I will get in done though, it'll just be a lot of time!
How was everybody's holiday? Mine was ok, visited family. My dad made me a pinapple upside down cake and it was sooooo good. Goodness, I love desert.
I'm not too sure if there is any topic that I would do more research on at this point. I start 3 classes in 2 weeks so if I research anything it'll be for the next classes and what that topic will be, I have no idea. I was grocery shopping at a local market and they had a pamphlet on Raw Milk. I picked it up because ever since someone in the class mentioned it I found it interesting. I never heard of it. So, I got the pamphlet, I didn't get to read it yet, but I want to.
Well, good luck to all of you! Take care.
Enjoy!
Dawn
Friday, August 27, 2010
Unit 8 Post
Hi Everybody,
Let's see, what can I chat about this time! Well, I do wish I would get more comments on my blog. I enjoy it. Will I continue with the blog after the term: Absolutely! I love it. It's like my own litte diary or personal journal that I can say anything or get something off my chest, plus, since I find myself talking to myself quite often, I can elaborate on here in hopes that someone will enjoy reading it.
Last weekend we took the family to Baltimore Inner Harbor to the aquirium, we had a great time! My oldest daughter is very interested in sharks and the science field, so she was in her glory. As we walked through the sharks we heard everything and anything we ever wanted to know about a shark! The dolphin show was great, it made me smile. The 4D theater was amazing! It sprayed water at you, blew air on the back of your neck, blew bubbles and even snow!
Then on Wednesday, my step-daughter's girlfriend works at Hershey park and got them day passes. They have never been there and they loved it. My youngest is kind of afraid of coasters and heights, not sure why, but her step-sis tricked her into going on the sidewinder which contains 2 loops and you go forward and then backwards. When she got off she was crying so bad and of course didn't feel good. Well, I had to say to Toni, It's all fun and games till somebody gets sick! I ended up picking her up in the middle of the night because she was pukin her insides out! OHHH the joys!
Well, I can't believe this semister is almost over. This was one of my favorite classes! Dr. M. you made that happen! Best of luck to all with your final papers!
Enjoy!
Dawn
Hi Everybody,
Let's see, what can I chat about this time! Well, I do wish I would get more comments on my blog. I enjoy it. Will I continue with the blog after the term: Absolutely! I love it. It's like my own litte diary or personal journal that I can say anything or get something off my chest, plus, since I find myself talking to myself quite often, I can elaborate on here in hopes that someone will enjoy reading it.
Last weekend we took the family to Baltimore Inner Harbor to the aquirium, we had a great time! My oldest daughter is very interested in sharks and the science field, so she was in her glory. As we walked through the sharks we heard everything and anything we ever wanted to know about a shark! The dolphin show was great, it made me smile. The 4D theater was amazing! It sprayed water at you, blew air on the back of your neck, blew bubbles and even snow!
Then on Wednesday, my step-daughter's girlfriend works at Hershey park and got them day passes. They have never been there and they loved it. My youngest is kind of afraid of coasters and heights, not sure why, but her step-sis tricked her into going on the sidewinder which contains 2 loops and you go forward and then backwards. When she got off she was crying so bad and of course didn't feel good. Well, I had to say to Toni, It's all fun and games till somebody gets sick! I ended up picking her up in the middle of the night because she was pukin her insides out! OHHH the joys!
Well, I can't believe this semister is almost over. This was one of my favorite classes! Dr. M. you made that happen! Best of luck to all with your final papers!
Enjoy!
Dawn
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